50 Reasons Why Not To Steal Chris's Hair Gel
by 1000GreenSun
Summary: When someone steals Chris’s hair gel, he subjects the campers to cruel and unusual punishments ‘til the thief fesses up. Response to Quartzy and Sue’s Random Quotes Challenge. Canon Pairings.


**Title:** 50 Reasons Not To Steal Chris's Hair Gel

**Rating:** T

**Pairings:** Canon stuff

**Summary: **When someone steals Chris's hair gel, he subjects the campers to cruel and unusual punishments 'til the thief fesses up. Response to Quartzy and Sue's Random Quotes Challenge. Canon Pairings.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own TDI, Barbie Girl or the quotes in bold. The quotes are Quartzy and Sue's.

**Author's Note:** Quartzy and Sue have a Random Quotes challenge where you try to incorporate 50 random quotes into a fic. I put all 50 quotes in this insane fic. Also, there is some drunkness- which seems like an ongoing theme for my TDI stuff… Weird… Anyhoo, the quotes are bold are the ones that Quartzy and Sue made up.

**Warning: **Underage drinking

--

"Has anyone seen my hair gel?" Chris asked the campers suspiciously.

"**Kleptomania: It's the new sensation that's sweeping the nation, try it**!" Izzy replied. Chef looked around shiftily before placing the jar of hair gel in his apron pocket.

"Anyway, campers…" Chris continued angrily. "Until someone fesses up about my hair gel, you guys are going to be put through extreme physical, emotional and mental challenges!!"

"Great," Heather rolled her eyes.

"Um, Chip… Since I'm still the prettiest can I just go to the beach and work on my tan?" Lindsay asked.

"It's Chris and sorry, Lindsay," Chris replied.

"I don't wanna do this stupid challenge!" Heather screeched.

"You can go, I'll throw in invincibility while you're at it," Chris offered to Heather.

"Ha!" Heather jeered.

"How'd you do that?" Gwen asked incredulously.

"**I just use my Princess voice. It's snotty and arrogant, but it gets me what I want,"** Heather flipped her hair and walked off.

"Killer Bass!" Chris announced. "You must figure out how to disable this bomb in two minutes or the island gets blown off the map! Screaming Gophers, you must answer this semi-obvious question in the next hour!"

"You're kidding right?" Duncan scoffed. The Killer Bass were lead to the chamber containing the bomb and the timer started.

"What do we do?" Bridgette asked.

"I think if we push this red button… Or no! Don't push it! Wait… do! Don't! Do!" Courtney argued with herself.

"**Wait did you say 'Do' or 'Don't' press the red button**?" Eva asked as she hovered above the button.

"**Let's see, this looks complicated, better push everything!**" Harold said to himself as he pushed all the buttons.

"NO!!" the whole team cried. The bomb vaporized as the Killer Bass were thrown back into the amphitheater where the Gophers were struggling with their challenge.

"I repeat the question for the last time. If you don't answer correctly or can't answer the question, you must vote for a team member to face the consequences. Today, your consequences are either eating Chef's food, staring at Heather for ten seconds, jumping into the shark infested lake or getting attacked with a flamethrower. **Now on to business, what noise does a penguin make?"**

"Oh no!" Trent cried. "I don't think we can answer this!"

"Wait… Wait… I think I've got it…" Noah started. "Wait, that's gas," he finished sarcastically.

"Do they chitter?" Beth asked.

"No, I think that's beavers…" Cody mused.

One Hour Later…

"We give up!" the Gophers said at the same time.

"Then it's time…" Chris grinned sadistically.

In the Flamethrower Room…

"**Why do I get the feeling I'll be in pain when this is over?**" Trent asked, scared.

Back to the Amphitheater…

"Round Two," Chris started. "Anyone up for confessing yet? No? Alright then. Bass- You must complete a life-threatening obstacle course. Gophers- You must endure storytelling time with me and Chef," Chris announced.

"Why are we getting off with the easy ones?" Courtney whispered to Bridgette. Eva overheard and motioned to Lena. Courtney and Bridgette nodded knowingly.

Right before the Bass started the fatal relay, Chris said, "**Remember kids always try this at home!**"

"**Don't you mean never?**" DJ asked.

"**Never, always, what's the difference?**" Chris shrugged. Everyone went well for the Bass until they got to the ring of fire.

"**Hmm, that's strange...**" Harold mused.

"**What is?**" Bridgette asked.

"**Flamethrowers usually don't turn on by themselves…**" Harold answered.

"**Uh I'm not sure how to tell you this, but your shoe is on fire,**" Geoff told Bridgette. She jumped into his arms.

After the Bass completed the challenge with perfect accuracy, it was the Gophers' turn to face the music.

Five Minutes Into Storytelling Time With Chris and Chef…

"NO!! MAKE IT STOP!" Trent cried as he held onto Gwen.

"**And then he will go on a rampage and steal everyone's left shoe!**" Chef read out of the book. "**It gets much stranger Kevin**," Chef told Trent.

"It's Trent…"

"Same difference."

Ten Minutes Later…

"**And then hippos shall rain down from the sky and smite the evil one!**" Chris finished. Trent had passed out on the floor before he finished.

"**You could have killed him**!" Gwen yelled at Chris.

"**And you assume I care because?**" Chris responded. "Looks like the Gophers lose… again…"

After Trent suffered yet another punishment, Chris moved onto the next challenge.

"Hair gel? No, alright then! Challenge Three! Bass- You must throw an awesome surprise party for me! Gophers- you must plan and execute a heist, stealing something from Chef's kitchen without arousing his attention."

"Finally! Something easy!" the Gophers cheered.

"How is it a surprise party for Chris if he knows?" Ezekiel asked, but was ignored.

"PARTY!" Geoff yelled excitedly.

With the Gophers…

Izzy pulled out a map and slammed it down on the table.

"First things first. We need to scale the side of the mountain and zipline to the security room without being detected! Then, we need three people to go in and disable the cameras so we don't alert Chef. We need a group of people to then go into the kitchen and BOOM! We've completed the challenge," Izzy commanded. "GO! GO! GO!!"

"**You'll never guess what I found in my belly button yesterday, go on guess!**" Owen said excitedly to Izzy.

"**If it doesn't explode or catch on fire Izzy isn't interested**. Sorry, Owen," Izzy replied.

Noah, Cody, Beth and Justin went into the security room to disable the cameras.

"**Okay you go up the ladder while I stand here and look cool**," Justin told them. Noah, Cody and Beth nodded as they climbed up the ladder, cut a hole in the roof and lowered themselves into the security camera room.

"**Welcome to one place where there are no security cameras, the security camera room!**" Noah said sarcastically.

"**I think I see a flaw in that logic....**" Cody responded. While the two chatted up a river, Beth disabled the cameras and soon the four campers (Justin, Noah, Cody and Beth) returned to Izzy.

"Alright… Alright…" Izzy rubbed her chin. "Trent, Gwen, Lindsay, LeShawna, steal something from Chef's kitchen," Izzy commanded.

"What about Owen?" Owen asked her.

"Izzy has something very special to tell Owen," Izzy said huskily. Trent, Gwen, Lindsay, and LeShawna headed off to the kitchen while Izzy straddled Owen.

"**Izzy knows something you don't know!**" Izzy exclaimed.

"**What?**" Owen asked her.

"..... **Izzy forgot,**" Izzy rubbed her neck.

"There! We can take that!" Lindsay pointed to the fridge.

"Might be a little heavy, girlfriend," LeShawna commented.

"It's okay," Lindsay replied. Trent and Lindsay lifted up the fridge, but Lindsay quickly dropped it.

"AAHH!" Trent cried.

"Oh my god! I broke a nail!" Lindsay waved her finger in the air while she bit her lip. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Todd! Help!!"

"Wait, Chef can't know we're here!" Gwen hushed.

"Oh, in that case," Lindsay pulled out her phone. "**Quick! What's the number for 911?**"

Gwen and LeShawna just face-palmed.

"I'm okay!" Trent called from under the fridge. The girls pulled it off of him and tried to help him up.

"**What happened to you guys?**" Noah asked as the rest of the team stepped into the kitchen.

"**It's okay, we got a spider!**" Trent replied.

"**Come on let's go!**" Lindsay exclaimed.

"**Not until you put the shovel down**," LeShawna eyed the shovel Lindsay was holding.

"But we can't leave Todd here!"

With the Bass…

"'Kay. We need food, beverages, entertainment, presents!" Geoff ordered. "Come on, we can do it!"

Katie and Lena handled the food, Courtney planned to play violin as Bridgette stood on her hands and Duncan, DJ, Harold, Tyler, Ezekiel and Eva wrapped the gifts. Geoff took care of the beverages.

"Is that booze? **But that's illegal!** We're underage!" Courtney exclaimed.

"**Legal, schmegal, this is reality TV!**" Geoff replied as he poured the alcohol into the punch.

"Looks like we're done," Duncan noted. The Bass alerted Chris and brought him into the amphitheater where the party was set up.

"A surprise party? For me? I had_ NO_ idea!" Chris was on the verge of tears.

"Yeah you did!" Ezekiel was just ignored again.

"**Remember how you were always saying you wanted a limo**?" Lena asked Chris.

"…**. I never said that…**" Chris answered, slightly confused.

"**HAPPY BIRTHDAY!**" the whole Bass team yelled as Chef drove a limo into the amphitheater.

"So? Who wins the challenge?" an injured Trent asked.

"The Gophers _did_ finish first… But I like the Bass's better…" Chris mused. "I'll get back to you on that. For now, though-"

"PARTY!!" Geoff yelled. A heck lotta booze later, the amphitheater was full of 23 (Eva wasn't told about the wild party) crazy campers, hosts and/or chefs. Absurd things like, "**Owen, you don't eat man, you inhale!**", "**PURPLE ELEPHANTS WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!!**" "**..............I really have no idea how to respond to that.......**", "**How do you say catfish in French?**", "**I have a cat in my pants and I don't know how it got there!**", "**Why do my nostrils whisper to me?**", "**I have new socks on! I mugged a clown to get the left one!**" and "**I've fought imaginary elves that were tougher than you!**" were heard around.

"**Your mom has a face!**" Chris told Chef, laughing.

"Don't insult my mama!" Chef retorted, upset.

"Don't take it personal, dude," Chris put his hands up as he stumbled backwards. Lena ran over to him.

"**Hey best boyfriend in the world!**" Lena kissed him.

"**How much money do you need?**" Chris asked flatly.

"**Why do you assume I need money........ 50 bucks.......**" Lena replied. Chris pulled out his wallet and handed it to her. "Is this a… $10,000 dollar bill?!?"

"**I love you Chef Hatchet! Will you marry me?**" Chris asked him.

"What about me?" Lena pouted.

"**............. How much punch did you drink?**" Chef replied after a while.

"**All of it!!! Why is the sky purple?**" Chris giggled. He frowned. "**It's because you're straight, isn't it?**"

"What about me? I've got your wallet!" she waved the wallet stuffed full of money in the air. Chris immediately turned to her.

"Have I mentioned how hot you look in the lighting?" Chris hit on her.

"Haha,** Don't tell anyone, but I spiked the punch**," Geoff told Bridgette, who was suppressing her laughter.

"**I feel a song coming on!**" Chef announced.

"**Everybody run when they get to the chorus,**" Chris warned.

"_**I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world!**_" Chef sang while dancing.

"**Chef!!! What are you doing?!!?**" Chris cried.

"**You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun on your shoulder!**" Noah laughed cynically.

"Geoff, I think everyone bring drunk might not be a good idea…" Bridgette warned.

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?" Geoff scoffed.

"**And then Mr. Beaver said 'I'm having relationship problems'**," Lena explained to Chris.

"**I'm going to back away slowly now.....**" he said slowly.

"_I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world_," Chef sang.

"**I THINK MY EARS ARE STILL MESSED UP!...........WHY ARE YOU BACKING AWAY FROM ME?**" Lena covered her ears in response to Chef's singing and noticed Chris gradually increasing the space in between them.

"I still have your wallet!" Lena called.

"Geoff, **where's the adult chaperone?"** Bridgette asked, starting to get worried.

"**Oh, he passed out three hours ago**," Geoff motioned to the pizza guy, unconscious in the corner.

The loud music alerted Eva and she stomped into the party angrily. "**Why is it that everyone but me was told about this?**" she demanded angrily.

--

The next day, some people were sober, others were hungover or still drunk and some were just plain crazy.

"**Now Izzy shall dart around suspiciously humming her own theme music!**" Izzy proclaimed.

"Okay then…" Chris said slowly. "Aside from waking up next to Lena AND Chef, the party last night was killer. Now, anyone ready to fess up about my hair gel? No one? **Anything is possible with the right amount of dynamite….** Looks like more insane challenges are on the way!"

"**Izzy spies with her little eye something green hanging out of your nose!**" Izzy told Owen.

"Oh… That's what that was…" Owen said bashfully. Izzy and Owen continued to talk as Chris did the same. No one, save for Lena and Chef paid attention to him.

"**And then Izzy accidentally ran into this car!**" she exclaimed.

"**You know someone ran into my car yesterday......**" Chris started.

"**...... You can prove nothing!**" Izzy grabbed a vine.

"**What did you do?**" Chris called after her.

"**Nothing you can prove!!!**" Izzy swung away, carrying Owen with her.

--

"I'll save you Izzy!!" Owen stepped in and wrestled the crocodile. "**You want some of this?! Huh do you?**"

"**.........and he's wrestling the crocodile.....**" Izzy said flatly.

--

"**Has any one seen Crazy or Crazier?**" Heather walked onto the scene. She pushed her sunglasses onto the top of her head.

"**Last time I saw them they had set something on fire and were laughing insanely.......... I think they went that way**," Bridgette pointed toward the volcanoes. "Why do you want to know, anyway?"

"No reason," Heather sat down on a log.

"Hair gel, people. HAIR GEL!!" Chris yelled obnoxiously.

"Come on, someone! Fess up! I can't stand anymore challenge!" Trent cried.

"Hmm," Chef muttered happily in his sleep. Everyone turned towards him, confused. Chef was lying on a log, fast asleep.

_In Chef's Dream…_

"Grr…" Chef growled as a happy couple, holding hands walked into the alleyway to make out.

"You hear that?" the brunette girl, who could be identified as Lena asked.

"Hear what?" Chris asked.

"Grr…" Chef walked out of the shadows. Lena's eyes widened as she turned to Chris.

"**You strike me as someone I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alleyway....... Crap I'm in a dark alleyway, aren't I? Well now it's running time!**" Chris ran off, dragging Lena along with him.

"Mm Hmm!" Chef grunted, satisfied. He slicked his hair back and grinned as he held up the jar of Chris's hair gel, as if to show to a non-existent audience.

_Back to Reality…_

"Chef? DUDE!!" Chris shook him. Chef roused and stretched his arms in the air. The jar of hairgel fell out of his pocket as he did so.

"W-Where am I?" Chef mumbled.

"Eww! This is like, so tacky!" Lindsay picked up the small the jar with Chris's face on the label.

"My hair gel!" Chris hugged the jar. "I missed you…"

"Okay…" Heather said slowly, backing away.

"Who had it?" Katie asked no one in particular. Everyone looked at each other, but after an uncomfortable silence, everyone turned to Chef.

"What?" Chef rubbed his neck nervously. He coughed. "Why would I need any hair gel? Are you accusing me, MAGGOTS?!?!"

"No, sir!" they all said at the same time.

"Good!!" Chef left the amphitheater, humming the tune to the _Barbie Girl_. Everyone else began to disband too.

"Hey! It's half-used!" Chris complained.

--

Reviews are welcome! If you're utterrly disgusted by this fic and wonder what the hell it is, then you need some help. Flames aren't cool. Not cool at all.


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